paris on heaven
welcome
welcome to mah bloggy! leave with happiness & love♥~
Then jet the blue tent topple, stars rain down, and god or void appall us till we drown in our own tears: today we start to pay the piper with each breath, yet love knows not of death nor calculus above the simple sum of heart plus heart.
-plath
Thursday, November 13, 2008
/1:44 am
"but the trouble was that my hysterical fit could not go on for ever"was reading notes from the underground in the library this afternoon and dostoevsky was amazing. i made up my mind to go back to it after the exams. not that i would be studying much for it anyway but just to feel less guilty about things. digging up kierkegaard online. i've always known why i loved reading these, it feels good to find out that im not alone, that in the human condition no one was spared. there would be one philosopher after another explainng my own suffering to me with such grandiose or feign innocence of a novel. suddenly my selfishness and nihilism seems magnified and almost justified by the fact that it was philosophical. such a perverse comfort. (i fell in love with the word
perverse:persistent or obstinate in what is wrong) the whole reading experience anatomised my conscience. anatomise. im reminded of biology practical, the prawn and the scapel on the tabletop - no i did not want to remember it.
今天在雨中跑回家的。停在十字路口一分钟才发现所有的交通灯都罢工了。街上只闪着橙色的街灯，而突然发现少了闪烁的小绿人其实多了一份自由。不被指示灯所控制，自主行动的自由。路上的车子在不该转弯的地方转弯了，和我并肩的路人一手遮雨一边决定要不要冲过马路对面。在这种时候清楚知道有些自由是有代价的。但最可怕的是当我们没有选择权的时候，那份脆弱，才是不自由的。
街上没有车时我冲到了对面去，回头看时下雨的画面依然美丽。
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